Wednesday, 9 May 2018
98 days sober.
Not quite the 100 day milestone, but close enough for me to start writing about it. I know that starting to write from day 98 isn’t the natural thing to do but writing about my sober journey is something that I have wanted to do since the beginning, but fear of failure put me off. I have read other blogs about people quitting drinking, and related to a lot of their feelings and thought processes, and I too wanted to put mine out there – regardless of whether or not it gets a read.
I’m not even sure where to start, my background and history? Im a 27-year-old guy who has a drink problem. I don’t want to make this overly negative so it will be hard to document everything that has happened in my drinking career. I have had relationship troubles, got into trouble at work, lost the trust of my family and lost a million iPhones. All for what, a few hours of a pissed up daze. I would probably class myself as a functioning problem drinker. I work full-time and own my house and car, I have a partner and a dog. Does this make me any different to anybody else who is addicted to alcohol? No. Everybody who is not able to stop drinking once they start, are all suffering the effects of alcoholism in the same way. It can be a sad, miserable and lonely place.
I started drinking socially when I was 16 after school on a Friday night with friends, it was new and exciting for me. I had this newfound confidence I never knew I had. Then at college, new friends and new freedom. Fast forward 10 years and I’m alone on a Saturday night in my house with two bottles of Shiraz and the remainder of the vodka bottle from the night before. Gone are the times when it was fun and exciting, it became a necessary routine which I struggled to get out of. During the week I would get home from work and the first thing I would do is pour a glass of wine, and rarely left anything in the bottle. I used to go to the local pub while my partner was at work, dishonest about the time I left the house, to make it seem as though id just ‘popped out for a couple’. He wasn’t silly enough to actually believe that I had just had the couple. That is probably the worst factor about living with alcoholism, the deceit and dishonesty. The sly trips to the pub, the bottle of wine that you buy and drink and bury in the recycle bin, the half empty vodka bottle that you hide at the back of the cupboard under the sink. Only people with a problem would hide their evidence, this should have been a massive warning sign for me.
As I approach my first 100 days sober, I begin to think about the previous attempts and how much stronger I feel this time around. My first attempt a few years back lasted 10 weeks. My second attempt last year lasted 8 weeks. Third time
lucky serious. It is important to remind ourselves of two things;
number 1 – the reasons why we are giving up alcohol
number 2 – the consequences if we don’t
The past 98 days have already been an adventure, sobriety doesn’t have to be boring. Without alcohol I have felt happier, more ambitious, guilt free and without the depressing hangovers.
I’ll post more on day 100. Thank you so much for being here with me.